There i goes again..spending the past 18 hrs at work.
Is it because i love my job or i just hate myself?
There's so much to do and so all i can do is keep working!
I don't know why i bother so much when i could have left.
Even though i start working before most guys got into the kitchen and i was the last to ciao..i feel so guilty that its my off day..there is simply too much things left undone..

From the initial 6 person to rotate midnight shift, 1 by 1 have left.
Now there's only me and Bryan. Thus we do 2 weeks per month each..
And now he has already confirm that Feb 6th would be his last. And my chef persuade me to stay till April for my competition..

So does it mean I'll be doing the bloody graveyard shift all by myself?
I hate working alone. In the middle of the night. I just want a life.
A normal life. Why is it that i gotta keep going through all these..
Its so tiring when i don't know what is there for me to look forward to at work...except for the never ending list of 'things to do' 'things to check' 'things to order'

Should i move on in order to get a life outside of work?
or should i stay till April, take the time to prepare for competition?
or for that end of April trip to oversea food tour?

Its such a joke that when we were young, parents and grandparents always tell us not to play with our food. Now day in day out..I'm playing all the time, except that, I'm toying with other people's food. So i enjoy toying people's food, and i get this monotonous life depriving myself from happiness..all because of my love for toying with food?

. . . There's so much i wanna tell her, but end of the day, my job is holding me back and i dun wanna break this fragile thin film of relationship that i hold within my inner soul.

Last day of my 4 off days..or rather 3½ days..
Been a fulfilling one..time is never enough anyway.
Would love to have meet up with more people but alas..
time management is always an issue..

Went for my futsal session, watch soccer, catch movie and dinner with R. Finally!
Lol..met da jie, met W, met H, going for a blind date later..thanks to K!
As i was calculating with da jie last night..9 is not a bad number..maybe a tad higher. But more is better than less in this case...

Moscow started as a bit of a dreamy scenario..and after a phone call, suddenly became something more concrete..shit..now what?

Fluttery in the head. Rush of nicotine.
Its been awhile since this feeling comes to me..and i'm loving it!

Some people are such failure that 只会守三分钟诺言...
People that stab others with dagger of harsh and cruel words end up hugging each others. Whats weird about it? If you can take their words at face value. Then take a look at me..a REAL GOOD LOOK please..that should make u realise enough to know that there were no surprises.

Similarities in them?
喜欢自由
常爱说谎
贪新厌旧
不切实际

It feel so good to let go of it all..the detachment of all lies.
Don't be shocked. Its no surprise because ...


其实牢牢牵扯这一切的.........失去方向感。
It has become totally meaningless.
you were important because i care.
you became just another passerby because i no longer care.

Another 2 more days of work to go..this is the result of going on a 4 days off to bali. Work till late evening on the day before my trip and only a day to recoup and its 16 days of work. Non stop. I think our foreign talents in the construction business got better treatment. So much for passion! Pun Intended.

Can't just help but wonder..some people choose career for money.
Some for passion. But when your interest doesn't make you happy these days..then what can motivate you to work? Had a rush of insanity to just quit right now.
I don't even need to serve my notice period, imagine thats how much off in lieu i had.

Other than waking up early to catch Mulan yesterday..i virtually have no life outside of work. Its just work sleep work sleep..and the occasional dinner. Every time i wake up, all i felt was emptiness and a sense of responsibility to go to work. This life is killing me.

This ultra luxury hotel on the outside is actually a budget hotel on the inside!
Countless time i have to do the pot washing, translator, waiter and a one time porter job. Last night my blood really boil over!

Guess what..its f* up things happening after one another.
The first thing i did when i came to work today was to screw the 2 stewards.
Its the first time in this hotel that i shouted and scolded people. I hope its my last as well.

Nobody seems to care about the daily running and happening. I already went beyond my duty to inform about the morning madness avalanche that i foresee, or rather that was forecasted. There are at least 7 people in F&B dept hierarchy that should have taken that tiny weeny bit of concern to put things right, but amazingly none seems to be in the loop, or rather choose not to see, not to hear , not to care. So this bring 'management' into a whole new concept to me.

I totally understand the game here, because end of the day, if anything were to screwed up, its me down right at the end of the line who would have to bear responsibility again right? FOR NOT BEING WELL PREPARED AGAIN?

2 hrs, 2 cooks, 4 sections, 1 free for all buffet line, 60 ala carte covers.
All I get in return after the madness was 2 lame execuses.
CDP said 'sorry stuck in traffic jam' - i told you take mrt?
Sous chef said 'how come this morning so busy' - 2 days off issn't an excuse for your ignorance.

shoo off..FML

I'm feeling gay this morning.. meet H for breakfast..
I actually feel happy and sad..Happy that he's going back to run him own biz but sad that i'll have one less kaki for everything..there's so much things in common that i share with him. He taught me so much in life. Gave me so much advices.

Anyway just happen to chance upon her blog. damn shit man..what did i do to cause such misunderstanding?
'both of us wanted more but none of us is saying it out'
Kns...it makes me shiver..想太多了！I treat everyone just as good alright? Think i'll have to start treating all female colleagues like ghosts. I get very repulsive of kind affections.

yet another one...whats with the infatuation?
sigh...simply don't get it.
I just want my solitude. Why don't some people understand that..?

Into the last month of 2009, one year coming to an end.
Change job. Bought lotsa gadgets. Been oversea thrice in 5 months.
From despair to happiness, to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes..after so much nagging and blabbing and insistence of my own view.
I finally succumb to what EVERYONE have been telling me all along!

Stupid? Maybe. At least we both for a short while believe there was future in us.
Good enough. For life is full of obstacles, whats one without some humps and bumps.
Its what we fail that make us real. Life is a bed of rose full of thorns.

2010..
There's so much uncertainty. For awhile it seems i'll be staying for a tad longer,
for awhile it seems like i'll get promoted, for awhile it seems like moscow's calling, for awhile it seems becoming my own boss comes earlier than expected. But for sure...i'm in demand. Thats a good sign. i hope! =x

hohoho..moscow! :)