I dunno what am i getting into lately..abit of spending frenzy and i just splurge another $200 on mooncakes.. Hmm..its not a good thing to do right after getting my pay for this month..
Anyway heard that goodwood park's durain mooncake out of stock le.. :(
So sad loh..

Anyway now seems a good time to go oversea..lol the exchange rate is rather good!

Okay confession over..truth is out!
I know you know whats all about.
There's no way i'll promise anything because if i did, it wouldn't have been you..

There's nothing more impt to me than myself, for all that i've gave out these years..
I think its time I learn how to put my self interest right at where it should be.
I thank all challenges that has been bestowed on me for it made me understand myself.
Realising my goal...i'm seriously on the right track..question is how long would i take? And how long would anyone stick by me and support my ambition? Answer has been the same...i know how insecure it is..but why is it forever people just don't see the realism and rather judge on the rush of emotional impulses, putting me to the gallows before the verdict is being read....

As cruel as it may be..i guess thats life..
When things work out well, taking responsibilities is easy.
When the tough get going...thats the only time i get the attention, for all the shit needs someone to bear..yes that shall be me!

Its amazing today that my boss came to me and ask whats going on and what can be done to make it better..whatever thats going on is reflecting bad on him as he's the leader..but coming to me for advise is like ..duh!?! The reason you get 5 x more salary than me is precisely because you got 5 x more staffs to handle issn't it?

All i wish for now is to find the strength and will to carry on..alone.

Whats going on with all the crazy attention that i'm getting of late?

Argh..not that i'm not at all happy..
in fact i'm rather smug by all of these behind the scene gossip talk...
truth can be quite intimidating whereas
gossips are just a line between reality and lala-land..
but its beginning to get overwhelming...

你眼带的笑意,讯带的含意，都隐藏你的秘密。

I really can't bring myself to do it...
As i always remind myself of the pain that was brought upon me,
that i'll never bring onto someone else.

Most of the time, 其实需要的只是一个旁听者。

生活一目了然···
而在等待···
等待着能···
带我到我看不见的，
取不到的幸福，未来···

All the butterflies in the stomach are long gone..
all the facts are there to be felt, its hard to pretend and ignore..
The feeling is gone, dead and buried...
This is it! Over and out!

Again again..2 full day shift follow by 8 consecutive midnight shift.

M - "so u working midnight this 2 days so u can get off on your birthday right?"
ET - "Duh..i working whole day on my brithday leh.."
M - "why like that.."
ET - =_="
M - "okie okie..i better ciao"

I gotta clear my AL next month..so it has been set at 6th to 13th Oct.
Zzzz...one week~!!!! What i gotta do?

Passion!!!!!!
So much for chasing the dream!
I guess i'm still dreaming...

Now i got a piece each of good and bad news..!

Good one come first!
I wouldn't be working midnight shift on 16th September!
Which mean i don't need to spend my birthday alone in the kitchen!

Bad news is...
I'm working from 8am till 10pm! Yeah! Yeah! whole day at Capella! WOW!

How nice would it be? Yeah..so much for chasing the dream!

For all the foresight..still fell on hindsight!
Damn fuck! The bloody K** motor servicing causes $$707!!
If ignorance is bliss then should i be happier now?

my oh my..off days are so expensive!

Went JB to check out price for car respray..!
The cheapest 1500 ringgit, the best deal?! 3100 to 3300 ringgit..!

End up i ask that fella wax up my ride, wash engine, tires and polish the interior leather for 300 ringgit. Hai..the scratches are still so obvious...why why why!!!

Today was even more painful!! My tires are worn out so i thought of getting a new sets of tires..end up when doing alignment, the uncle told me my rims are spoilt..
out of alignment, and he show me on his machine..indeed! I'm already very upset when people msg me 'because of me again?' Does it make a point? Or get anything across? So i get it change into a 2nd hand set of made in japan SSR 15" rims, maxxis tires..damage $630 after discount!

Zzzzzzzzz~~~~!!!

Another $50 dye hair, another $50 for wake.

And so to conclude, i think its almost $950 spent this 2 days.

Next tue gotta go for car servicing..sian i can foresee another $250 bomb dropping!

If only people can understand...
Earn $$ so damn damn damn hard...
spend $$ so so so pain!
To some..it doesn't hurt a bit..issn't it?

gotta my schedule for next week..sat and sun on midnight so presumably by logical deduction, i guess i'll spend my birthday working midnight shift.
Not that i dread it..but who wants to spend birthday like that..no matter how insignificant this day have become..it's still a birthday issn't it?

Few months back..this day seems to be going to be a week of fun somewhere in some part of this world..Ya ya ya..i know i shouldn't keep thinking about the "what ifs" but rather the 'what is'...

But 'what is' what?
What am i now?
A ghost!
That's how i see myself in the mirror..my reflection.
work 8 to almost 11 for the past few days..hanging out aimlessly till 3am before i goes home..
broke out in cold sweat in the wee hours..hardly catch a wink!
Everyone goes through these phrases issn't it?
Why it seems like people can party away and enjoying whatsoever attention that people's sending out..while i have to slog myself and face the silence of every night with a glass of spirit which ironically never ever lift my spirit..

Am i really so fucking bad so fucking fucking fucking fuck up that i deserve all this fucking fucking fucking shit that i get in my fucking fuck fuck up life?

Do i just have to go through all these on my own, till i succeed one day before i get a second look?

When u gets lemon, crush some ice and u made lemonade.
When life gets bitter, crushes my spirit and i made sorrow.

People grow, people learn, people accept, people forgive, people get realistic, people thinks she deserve better for the qualities she presume to have own..but people never ever look me in the eye and see the changes, see the sacrifices, see the hard work that i've put in...

Greatness is never build on a single factor, but rather made up of many accumulated efforts...

For all the accumulated efforts i've put in over the years, i'm still being judged upon a single factor.

We agreed that it was over, but i never agreed with myself.

Though it may forever sound a cliché, but people get emotionally upset or angry because they CARE. Though i shouldn't care or wonder where or how things are anymore...i can't help it and its killing me. I believe everyone made mistake. Some are overlooked, some are tolerated, some are just simply amplified, or maybe its just an excuse to break free, to consider better options. For all that injustice, for all that harshness that fate brought upon into my life..Perhaps its time i learn to accept the folly of my moment of imprudent behaviour.