2 more days after today and it spell the END of this boring night shift..
Came across a piece of news today and somehow its just FML...

Don't i just hate myself for everything thats going on?
why why why..always late when it comes to the moment, the decision making that matters..for the thousand things that i does right..i always put to heart the thing that gone wrong...why am i so hypercritical of myself..!

when will i ever learn to accept i'm so so so so much less than perfect.
not even close! far off..!

To all the love that bring us alive...

人小时候，最怕寂寞
怕没朋友陪自己玩。。。

如果爱一个人
怎么会不害怕和她分开
而我们必须接受现实

于是长大了，寂寞就是没有了爱
比没有朋友更寂寞
那是连朋友也填满不上的空缺

即使再短暂也会刻苦铭心
那些点亮我们生命的爱
不一定会陪你到最后
就仿佛发生在。。。。的故事

The more i try to talk things out, the more it exacerbate your feeling for me.
Would you tell me please...What can i do?

能心醉才心碎
残忍得真乾脆
绝非酒精可忘记
不肯心死
原来并未试过

I hate this feeling thats going through me right now..
why am i such a fool? why must i make a fool of myself?
didn't i say not to mention?
for all the logics, and logical deduction that i always had,
why do i have to lose myself when it come to this.
do i really have to bring this piece of regret with me to wherever my next destination fall? i really really want everything to work out fine.
its hard to act mute and dumb all this while...its really hard.
all this words may mean nothing to some, it mean everything to me.
来不及说，来不及做，来不及挽回，太多的来不及···
该说的，没说，该做的，没做···
以为你都会懂，都会体谅···
但你还是自私的···
可我以失去···

How you feel when you trust people so much that you gave them what was..。
only to find out otherwise?

sigh...i'm not gullible, i just prefer to trust you rather than to doubt you.
But why once and again..you have to prove me wrong?
And to add injury to insult, i always have to hear it from everyone else's mouth in this damn world before it came out through yours...

why do i have to go through this again and again...

有些爱停了就停了，为什么我还在给。
莫名其妙，断断续续的思念，隐隐作痛的心。
怎么了。。。？

为了爱慕虚荣的躯壳，虚假伪装的外表，和自我中心的人格。。。

8 days of midnight shift awaits me after my off day...
sian..8 days..!
Thur and Fri is my off days for next week then follow by 8am till 11 pm on sat and sun again...Damn sian!
Is it because i got no family commitment thats why i always get such shitty shift...! Damn why is it people get to leave on time or earlier but never me..the only time i was supposed to leave at 5.30, i end up leaving at close to 8...argh~~! irritating!

Kept my silence, not because I don't know...

admit it, i treat people much better than what i get reciprocate.

对别人好·就是对自己残忍·

让这沉默代替我想要的。。。

张栋梁 - 低调

嬉笑打闹拥抱
留下了那么多开心合照
互相取暖依靠熬过了最低潮
一起生活也一起埋怨过
走过最好与最糟
我在心里想的不用说明你知道
晨昏日夜颠倒
这房子突然没从前热闹
散落一地微笑没有人去打扫
感情很微妙再多付出也好
再多关心都徒劳
爱情从来就没有固定的味道
它最后停在哪里谁知道
我的难过是如此低调
因为不想打扰我在寂寞的墙角
努力的对自己好你用微笑回报
朋友或情人不重要
我的悲伤是如此低调傻子才会哭闹
就算你发现也好
我想你一定会选择假装不知道
只怕我自己的掩饰不够好
难到是我对我自己不够好

Went to hospital with mom today..did all the check ups..
Tomorrow going back for surgery...was told by the doc that its going to be quite a serious one..don't feel so good after hearing..

Mom need to be hospitalised for 3-5 days, i gotta work for the 5 days...
can't even accompany her...i know she's scared..but she pretend she issn't...
I wish i could do something for her..but the fact is i can't and there's no one i can turn to..except for her colleagues.

Suddenly i feel that its not possible for me to be away for a few years studying...
Hai..why is it that my burden are so heavy...why is it that there's no one to share my burden...human are selfish...by nature, not even your loved ones or 'assumingly loved ones' can take on and share my worries...

All i get was lie after lie, its deja vu again.
Nothing to gain, nothing to talk to me about...

one after one...am i only worthy when my help is needed?

I should have known better...

Totally unmotivated for work..
My attitude is getting from bad to worse...
Its often the attitude that determine who you are and how well you are going to accomplished anything.

I got so pissed that i made a hollandaise twice and i break it twice.
I just gave up and let my devil inside me take over my head...
I just can't find any motivation for anything at all..

People are praising me for food that i've made, but guess what?
Issn't that expected of a place like ours?
Who will come to a place so atas and expect nothing but good food?
So what even if its staff meals? Its still meant for human consumption issn't it?

Argh...where am i heading to?
what else can i do?
had a holiday break, had took more than enough time to regain my loss,
had done whatever i can do for her to make her happier...
but what can i do to make myself a better, stronger character?

as much as the perfectionist i aim to be...
i am not perfect. i never was and i never will be.
i need people to accept me for my imperfection,
rather than praising me for what should be under my control.

its hard being the 'ET' people expect me to be...
i'm human.

to err is human, to forgive divine


To err is human, to forgive divine." (Because we use the word "is" in the first phrase "to err is human" we do not use "is" again in the second phrase: "to forgive divine".) We are all people who make mistakes so to forgive others when they make mistakes is the right thing to do; "to err is human, to forgive divine." goenglish.com

i don't need to be the sunshine of your life,
the day is bright enough with others all around..
all i wish upon is to be the moonlight,
that provide some solace during the dark hours...

looking forward..its pitch black.
can anything light up my path?

praises i get too often, and laughters all around..
somehow it just doesn't mean a thing to me..
why do i have to go through twice the turmoil,
never say never..for i'll never again put my pride in the rubbish bin.

As time slowly tickle into the night,
the minute just seems to go by slower and slower...
night shift have been so painful...work doesn't numb my thoughts.
alone in the kitchen with absolute silent just makes my mind wander..
wander into the past...wander into the days where you exist in my future.
the thought of you and me cause my heart more ache than it ever could take.

假装若无其事。。。
但愿记忆会乘风飘过
你在我心里不可抹去的位子
始终还是我的致命伤
我好想洒脱的过自己的生活
但我却走不出你的影子

why am i judged upon by my flaws,
and not recognised for all my efforts?
Haven't I done anything worthwhile all these time....


心里焦脆，
微笑背后，
心酸心痛，
谁能体会。

我不怕你不爱我，
只怕你把习惯当着爱
无论我怎么用心呵护，
你对我的爱始终不肯开花
我也只能认了，
这花非我所能照顾，拥有
你我的故事到尽头，
还是没有完结篇。
只能够到此停笔。

明天是要开始记载新的一页，
我该归根守候还是拔根离去
心里的答案是否真实，
无奈无可自答。。。

终








放弃我，无所谓
辜负我，无所谓
不爱我，无所谓
要我滚，我滚无所谓
要我回来，
对不起，滚远了