depress.

cant take it no more..

ponder...

With each and every passing day.. Every step i took just lead me further and further away into the unknown.
I would love to embrace the unknown and enjoy all the spontaneous activities that pop up every now and then.. But maybe its my age, maybe its the disillusion..

I'm really trying very very hard to keep myself contended with all the uncertainty that i'm facing.

The last time i said if home is where my heart is, am I homeless or is the world my home.. This very sentence haunt me for months, and lead to her imagination getting the better of her, eventually she left my life. Life is already so full of shit, why do I still have to watch each and every words i said without getting scrutinize by everyone.

Talking about the path less traveled..with all the travelling and the "once in a lifetime experience"
I find myself living in solitude, living a life where there is no one that I can share my story with.

No matter how tough, how bad my day was... Can only tell my mom how beautiful the scenery was, and all the good stuff that i ate for the day so as not to let her worry..

No matter how humiliating/ harsh/ frustrating the environment that shroud over me, i can only embrace it and tell myself i am stronger than that sort of bullshit.. But who am i trying to kid myself?

In the end, who really understand...That a phone call and 2 hours later I'll find myself on a plane heading to somewhere with no return date and no idea what is in store for me to handle..What sort of shit i am expected to clear up.. More often than not.. Its always nasty shit..

Last month in Chennai, i weep quietly as i watch the clock tick away in the middle of the night hoping i'll be home soon. I went back for 5 days after almost a month in Chennai. Next thing i was on a plane for London, manage to visit my Grandma though its only a short while in Singapore.

Today as i sat on this beautiful sofa in a 5* hotel nested right smack in the central of most posh area in Madrid..I ponder when I'll be able to go home again. And when is the next time i'll get a proper sleep.